Life's just boring nowadays. It sucks actually. I don't wanna be pessimistic but as a matter-of-factly, it does suck. I hate the impression others have on me. They think that I'm carefree. I'm not as happy as I seem. I have my own innermost thoughts that not much people are aware of. Maybe it's time to show others how I really feel. To be straightforward. Well, I've 'experimented' being that but it isn't just me. It doesn't work..

I'm torn. I'm sure no one knows what I mean. Nobody. I'm writing here because I just have to spill. I learn not to bottle-up my feelings. There are things that I'm still trying to figure out and search for reasons behind them all. Why do people hate other people, judging on their surfaces? Why people do something to benefit themselves? Why do people do things to only satisfy their needs and not thinking about how others feel? I'm just asking in general. It doesn't mean I'm relating them with anybody. Life has turned upside down and still is.

Sometimes I wonder why I am here trying to fix things up but in the end, it turned out the other way round. The more I wanna make things better, the worser it becomes. Life is a game, a challenge to me. It plays tricks on me whenever, wherever. Like an example, if you didn't call your bf then he'll say you're arrogant and just being uncaring. If you call everyday, he'll say you're insecure. Life is just too complicated sometimes. You can never do something to make everything right. There bound to be something that you have to let go and pass.

Why isn't anybody out there walking the same pace through this life as me? I feel that everyone's all ahead of me, charging. Why? Everyone has their own life. Yea, that's what. Maybe they're too fast, or am I just too slow? I feel so small. Why do I feel that everyone's changing? Or is it just me. Perhaps I'm the one changing. It's different already. I don't want to feel any distance within. Everyone is a stranger.

Can't erase the footsteps
In search of em' to go back
I want to really live

love
sakinah