so here i am. standing before year 2005. gone through alot last year. pretty hectic and fast. i can exactly remember the first day of school, the time when i had to stay in school with those adorable secondary ones, the times when i had to leave classes early for volleyball matches, mrs choo's brain-squeezing tests, 3E4's topping in the cheering competition, how happy i was to get my first ever phone, student leader camps and many more.

i shall go through this year without saying "i can't". "i hate doing this!". "ahh, i give up". "fine, you win". oh no, oh no. stop! maybe this can absolutely showcase my utmost negativity. just a couple of excerpts from my previous journal.

24/4/2004

Damn it.. I just hate life sometimes.. I'm so stressed.. that's the first thing. I refused to study.. I refused to listen.. I don't put in effort. And now I've failed 3 tests.. All the damn sciences. I just wish I could drop all of them. They's just not my type. I hate studying. Life sucks. I just got too much things to do.I just wanna quit.. Stupid things always destruct me doing things the way I want them to be. The more I think abt it.. the more stressed I'd get. It's just that things have been getting out of hand nowadays. I just can't take it anymore. I never try.. I always give up.. I'm lazy.. I have no interest. Everything seems to be.. a bore to me right now.. Life's boring.. Suckx

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15/5/2004

So far.. I think I hadn't reach up to my best potential. I'm just SICK of studying. Sec 3 already like this. I'm just wondering how it's gonna be like when O levels finally comes. Die!!

and, of course, how i feel after not putting in effort for the exams.

20/5/2004

Stop making excuses. It's really frustrating to always hear from people who failed and then they will go "I wish I could turn back time." and that's absolutely impossible. What an irony. And now I wish I could turn back time. I failed to push myself to study. What stupid shit is all this? I've never failed any paper in my entire life. As in exam papers and now I just did and it felt so.. not me. What's wrong? I've failed to prove to others that I can do it and all that crap I wrote before is just mere words. I'm sorry everyone, but I failed.

woops. that was bad. now i'm going to reflect everything that's happened and change for the better. i shall work hard. at least i know i'll be at ease after the exams. and i can definitely assure myself that i won't be having a hard time when the O's are around the corner. just hopefully.

i saw i dream's video clip. i'm happy seeing taufik happy. he's just my idol. hearts him so much.

woohoo, it's nice to see a January 2005 added under my archives.
-grins-

sakinah